Everybody always expects me to side with the non-human in any fight, particular in cases of reptilians, but loyal readers of my postings will not be surprised that I have written a helpful guide on How to battle flying serpents. Winged reptiles of any type, from geckos up to full-size wyverns, are nothing to become too cozy with unless a person knows what they're getting into, and in my experience the flying serpent crowd is unusually sketchy to the point of sociopathic tendencies. I just cannot get along with those guys, it seems, even though you would think they would be more than usually motivated to get along with the likes of me, same as most everyone else. It is almost as if the psychology of fliers (bird brains mostly, but sometimes bats and insects get involved) messes up the snake mentality something fierce, and probably the heavy-duty biological engineering has something to do with it too. Whatever it is, something seems to always happen so that you end up with a vicious, relentless, warm-blooded aerial menace.

As for the upcoming surprise the boss has in store for everyone: no comment. I get enough grief, seriously.

Veeper

Here I am back again writing on the wonderful subject of How to make an attractive mummy in my role as resident fashion expert. It turns out that I come extra well qualified for the topic because of my obsession with mummies (Egyptian, mostly) as a young girl — mummy’s curses, mummy’s fortunes, the relentless pursuit by walking bandaged monsters — all of it I simply lapped up at the time much the same way girls go nuts over vamps and wolves nowadays, even though those undead types haven’t nearly had the long run of mummies which confirms on them a certain superiority, I think everybody should be able to recognize. Now I know there are good-looking mummies and foul awful bad-looking mummies, and the way you make certain that you end up with the first kind and not the second is scarcely any different from the way you make sure that you yourself look like a cool evil being and not a pathetic one: you have to think about what you’re doing beforehand and remember not to do anything stupid. Now I know that not everyone knows what’s stupid when it comes to mummies and what’s a stroke of genius, hence the article, hence my writing it, and not someone who looks like they might have tumbled out of a reeking nasty tomb every morning without a chance to put yourself back together (hint hint). Yes, I have standards and I don’t mind telling everyone what they are.

On another subject, or rather a non-subject: I am under strict orders not to spoil the beans about the big surprise in store for the readers very soon, tempting though out is to steal a little thunder for myself at this moment in time. It’s time we got a little bit of variety around this place, however, and I think I won’t get myself in trouble by predicting that this new development just around the corner will do just that, and that is all I’m going to mention till it happens.

Capella

For me, personally, the art of how to torment a soul for eternity is all about the head, which is what most people most identify their being with, housing as it does the seat of consciousness. After one’s demise, of course, there is no head to consider, as it lies moldering with the rest of the body in the tomb, scatters along with one’s cremated remains, or tops a desiccated mummy, yet the intimate connection between it and the undying psyche can still be exploited for some time as the scholars of the art of damnation tell us. Any threat of mistreatment to the extremities is magnified manyfold when it is directed at the ghostly head. It is also the ideal focus for one’s activities regarding psychological maltreatment, whether visual, auditory, olfactory, or gustatory in effect. Yes, the head is a most useful feature for the practitioner of the hyperpersuasive arts post mortem, and would probably have to be invented if it didn’t already exist for our ministrations.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

Our master plan to begin Season 3 of evilHow one week from today is still on track, with a jolly sort of death march atmosphere underway, wide manic smiles on every face I see, the server reported to be in tip-top shape, and tasty new mockups of the new layout for the site greeting me as I write. Research for the new articles is progressing apace and our secret new addition to the staff has been duly trained and is executing his initial set of orders. I am told that the plans for our kickoff luncheon are progressing nicely as well. Rumors about a management crisis at the top here, of entrenched unyielding factions, and/or of naked force-on-force showdowns are entirely untrue, and one need only look back on a stellar record of exemplary accomplishment to realize how absurd any such overblown nonsensical misapprehensions must be. And that, my dear readers, is on the record.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

Now listen, everyone. We do not want anyone saying they were not informed that a couple of aspects of this evilHow site will be undergoing transitions when our new season begins on the 7th of August of this year. We have no time to listen to pettifogging complaints about how the evil user experience is not exactly how it has been for the last two seasons, nor about whether one or two items might be reset to the prevailing motif that that person had grown accustomed to see. What are these preordained modifications, one might ask? The answer is not important! It should be sufficient to accept that whatever we in our wisdom choose to implement on this site widely acknowledged to exemplify the greatest accumulation of supervillain reference resources will of course be choices for the greater evil. To know and accept this is the first step toward unholy wisdom.


Grinning Skull (friendfeed)