I must admit that I’ve been going on a little binge of buying little bits of apparel lately leading me to want to update that popular how to rock an evil wardrobe article now with a couple of the tips I’ve picked up that I could hardly wait to pass on to other fast-living gals (and others) who might be interested, we’re talking ‘’much’’ of a departure here from my normal midriff-bare clingy stuff with lethal armament that makes up my normal day-to-day look, towards something more of a chainmail and circuitry and possibly biological amalgamated thing I would call it. And in expectation that it might catch on, knowing how fashion is, so I talked to some of the lady crew (I put up a picture of some of them there on that article) including some who have a few very very transgressive (their words) ideas of what to wear, not to mention how to conduct oneself on the playing field, and that to spice it up like that can be nothing but good given the kind of deadly boring stuff we sometimes have to put up with around here. The main thing I discovered has hardly anything to do with the stuff that money can buy or henchmen can loot, but more about the way you flaunt whatever it is you tottered out in that maybe wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you started out on your life of derring-do, but which sure as hell is better than what most of the participants in our little drama would be likely to get if you’d decided to sit this round out, and you go out there and own that place in which you stand or squat. That there is worth a million bucks but good luck trying to peddle it at eBay.

Capella

I understand that even tiny children unable to speak properly already possess a well-developed fear of falling, so deep-seated is this phobia in the human midbrain, so we have put together an article describing the very best way to exploit this weakness: How to get the most from a bottomless pit. The concept is simplicity itself, being nothing more than a lack of adequate flooring, more or less, yet I have seen such a number of otherwise perfectly horrific bottomless pits marred by faulty presentation on the parts of their owners. One I remember well was a three meter wide stainless steel sided tube that was surrounded by an undistinguished expanse of no-wax flooring that simply looked cheap. Another had the faint but oddly persistent odor around it of freshly baked rolls. And yet another, one of considerable vintage no less, seemed to have fallen into the clutches of a band of government regulators, with brightly colored catwalks, railings, and signage accreted onto its artificially straightened sides. The impact of a bottomless chasm should be imparted onto the first-time viewer’s mind within moments after seeing it, not having to battle against a host of wholly irrelevant associations and stylistic imbecilities.

A truly noble shaft descending into the uttermost depths should have a certain grandeur of its own, as it seems to suck the bystander down on its own. This is why it is the preferred design element within the scene when a swordfight needs to break out or a rope bridge needs to be traversed. It should not be necessary to decorate it to draw attention to its significance — indeed, sometimes the most effective bottomless pits have been rendered invisible through sorcery.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

Now let me be clear on one thing: I do not myself have a brood of vipers I can call my own, not now and not at any point in my past. While I have on numerous occasions privileged to admire a fine collection of young vipers in the nest, and have myself been encouraged, occasionally with vehemence, to come up with my own offspring, it would be misleading for me to represent myself as speaking from a point of personal expertise in this matter. Yet our regular followers do have a right to expect my personal contribution on the subject as a pit viper to stem from a source more privileged than a more theoretical knowledge of ophidian husbandry. It is fair to admit to a kind of first-hand (or perhaps first-fang) witness, having been raised, as I was, in a nest of that sort myself, yet this was long ago now, and by no stretch of the imagination something which I would consider a period of my life that is extremely relevant to my current situation.

Nonetheless, I do feel that I am able to draw on that episode in my background now and bring an essential quality to the table at this time. I am the logical one to task with the latest update of that article, which has long been identified as lacking some of the poignant detail our other featured content at evilHow enjoys. I do not shrink from this assignment, loathe as I am to seek the spotlight ordinarily, but welcome it and as chief minion I pledge to keep this article up our high quality standards going forward and to help ground the content of our wiki in the real-life experience out in the field that our readers expect. Yet make no mistake: this account is a work in progress, one which we here hope will encourage both established malefactors and villains just starting out to incorporate these dangerous beasts into every aspect of their shady work.

I am open to questions at this time.

Veeper

Although I must admit at the outset I have not personally done a great deal of exploration along these lines, I have spent a great deal of time while researching the newest article on imploding the universe speaking to an expert in the field who possesses considerable expertise in the subject and has even written a scholarly manuscript (unpublished) on the fine points. I found it fascinating and thoroughly absorbing. For some reason, everyone else I talk to about the topic seems inordinately fixated on the exact reasons why one would want to implode the universe and everything it contains, but this line of inquiry utterly bores me. Some individuals have a measure of dissatisfaction with the current state of things and a desire to rebuild something perfect, new, and beautiful from the dross left behind. Others may be animated by a sociopathic anti-utilitarian desire to make as many sentients everywhere as miserable as possible, while still others harbor a vicious resentment of certain individuals and wish mainly to seize one titanic moment to prove them all wrong. Whatever the reason is, the important characteristic a supervillain must possess to pursue this line of research is a willingness to violate the natural law governing the many worlds and overturn the status quo.

My interviews with my gracious informant have instead focussed mainly on the tricky little details he had figure out on how to perform the trick, something about magic tech he had laid his hands upon and which I am unfortunately not at liberty to divulge at this time, or, most likely, ever. It was quite a treat to work with a fiend so intent upon a particular hobby horse, even if it was not my own.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)

We dusted off the very popular article on How to avoid a gruesome demise and added a few helpful tips, thinking, of course, of some of the more colorful slipups which have excited much discussion over the past year or so. I think it is safe to say that no one wants to be personally incorporated into dozens of jars of Fra Diavolo sauce, to be recrystallized as a couple hundred cubes among as many alternate realities, nor to end up as a greasy smear on the wrong side of an orbiting platform on the far side of the Moon. And many agree that having one's remains stuffed into a cuckoo clock — mass produced, not handmade — is not the way they would want to be remembered by friends and by others. Yet so many of us supervillains spend so much time on the minutiae of our day to day plotting we lose sight of the final denouement toward which our actions drive, and overlook the slight adjustments in course we could make to hit the mark we would prefer, so to speak. This was the original impetus behind the article and it remains so, but we have found ways to amplify the message and concrete suggestions every supervillain might follow to achieve their ends — their final ends.

I personally insisted that we add in a couple of words begging the prudent evildoer not to discount the agency of random chance in bringing about an ignominious downfall. Too many times in recent days have we heard about vicious scoundrels finding themselves caught short by a caprice of circumstances which might in some way have been avoided. The fact of the matter is, if you pile up enough thousand-to-one shots against, then you eventually find yourself facing a not insignificant risk in toto. We all know that our lives are dangerous ones and that our daily business cannot always be plotted to the point where the last quiver of the last atom is accounted for, but in my estimation many of us let down our guards too soon after we determine that the do-gooders have been rendered ineffectual, leaving ourselves open to a devastating blow inflicted by the forces of blind nature. It doesn't quite make for the most satisfying ending, but it is much harder to avoid than one would like.

Grinning Skull (friendfeed)