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Better living through swearing

ChoppingIt has occasionally been brought to my attention that we evildoers as a class have a tendency to overthink our circumstances. Many is the villain who is convinced that the surest way to world domination is to embark on a massive construction scheme far outstripping available finances, or to court a fabulously powerful, possibly extraterrestrial, ally with the ultimate aim of double-crossing them so as to reap all the benefits, or to release a worm which will gut the financial markets and reduce mankind to a state of utter savagery. While it is not my intention to cast aspersions on the worthiness of any of these schemes, I do find it appropriate to point out that many of the career-building goals making up the ultimate aim of such malignant neophytes could easily be provided at significantly less effort by simply arranging to swear a mighty oath and adopt it as one’s personal credo. I have seen the effects of this in action and can testify that they are nothing short of wonderful — on the fiend’s personal psyche, on the state of mind of his or her evil associates, on the organization’s reputation among both supervillains and superheroes alike, and on the future prospects for dirty deeds and general mischief unleashed upon the victims which have been targeted. It is the mad supergenius version of the corporate mission statement which does its work by distilling everything down to a concentrated essence suitable for the history books.

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